Conversation with an Anonymous Insider

September 19, 2009

Blogger: Is [she] still pregnant?

Anonymous Insider: Yes, she is still pregnant ... and pissed about it! She [is] soooo ready for this baby to come!

B: Yeah - when I spoke to her the other day she said she had been doing a lot of walking to see if that didn't speed things up a bit.

She will be wishing it hadn't come at all when she feels the pangs of giving birth. Not that I would know what that's like, but I can [assume] ... that it isn't "a walk in the park" as they say.

AI: Walk in the park... Hmmmm, let me see - maybe a walk in a scary, haunted cemetery at midnight in the middle of an ice storm when you get mugged and are stripped of all your clothes and then aliens abduct you and do all sorts of testing on "human endurance for pain" and then drop you from their spaceship hundreds of feet in the air onto a frozen pond (or cactus farm) where a pack of hungry wolves sees you and starts chasing you onto oncoming traffic and you get hit by a bus... After which you wake up in the hospital with a slimy little person screaming at you and wailing their head off and never letting you sleep because you can't satisfy their every need and guess their every wish a split second after they wished it themselves and they are always angry at you for the sheer fact of being the sole reason they are stuck hanging out with you in the first place. Maybe THAT kind of walk in the park.

B: That is so going up on my blog.

Coyote de Ayuno

Xopan cuicatl
Amoxcalco
pehua cuica,
yeyecohua,
quimoyahua xochitl,
on ahuia cuicatl.

Icahuaca cuicatl,
oyohualli ehuatihuitz,
zan quinanquiliya
toxochayacach.
Quimoyahua xochitl,
on ahuia cuicatl.

Xochiticpac cuica
in yectli cocoxqui,
ye con ya totoma
aitec.
Zan ye connanquilia
in nepapan quechol,
in yectli quechol,
in huel ya cuica.

Amoxtlacuilol in moyollo,
tocuicaticaco,
in ticcuicanitl.
Xopan cala itec,
in tonteyahuiltiya.

Zan tic moyahua
in puyama xochitli,
in cacahua xochitli.

In ticuicanitl.
Xopan cala itec,
in tonteyahuiltiya.

Worse things happen at sea...

- You are shipwrecked on a remote, desolate island and forced to eat your fellow castaways in order to survive. Your fellow castaways are Wayne Newton, Margaret Thatcher, Phil Spector, Robert Novak, and ZZ Top

- Captured by pirates, you are given a choice between walking the plank or joining the crew. The crew are all Yankees fans.

- Your battleship is torpedoed and sunk by an enemy destroyer, leaving the survivors floating helplessly among hundreds of man-eating sharks. The sharks attack you with single-minded ferocity and are only driven away by the approach of a giant man-eating squid. The squid also attacks you, but it has attention-deficit disorder and plays with its food.

- You are swept overboard and swallowed by a whale. The whale's previous meal consisted of half a ton of jellyfish and several dozen electric eels.

- Stranded 800 feet deep in the South Australian Basin, your Seawolf-class submarine develops a critical hull leak. To save the vessel, you must don an experimental atmospheric diving suit and perform a risky deep-water repair. The slightest change in water pressure will crush you like a grape and split the sub wide open, dooming all inside. At the exact moment you slide cautiously from the No. 3 torpedo tube, the entire population of Melbourne flush their toilets simultaneously.

Courtesy of McSweeney's

Mención Honorífica X