Worse things happen at sea...

- You are shipwrecked on a remote, desolate island and forced to eat your fellow castaways in order to survive. Your fellow castaways are Wayne Newton, Margaret Thatcher, Phil Spector, Robert Novak, and ZZ Top

- Captured by pirates, you are given a choice between walking the plank or joining the crew. The crew are all Yankees fans.

- Your battleship is torpedoed and sunk by an enemy destroyer, leaving the survivors floating helplessly among hundreds of man-eating sharks. The sharks attack you with single-minded ferocity and are only driven away by the approach of a giant man-eating squid. The squid also attacks you, but it has attention-deficit disorder and plays with its food.

- You are swept overboard and swallowed by a whale. The whale's previous meal consisted of half a ton of jellyfish and several dozen electric eels.

- Stranded 800 feet deep in the South Australian Basin, your Seawolf-class submarine develops a critical hull leak. To save the vessel, you must don an experimental atmospheric diving suit and perform a risky deep-water repair. The slightest change in water pressure will crush you like a grape and split the sub wide open, dooming all inside. At the exact moment you slide cautiously from the No. 3 torpedo tube, the entire population of Melbourne flush their toilets simultaneously.

Courtesy of McSweeney's